Vampires live amongst us. Or so Charlotte maintains. So how do you spot a vampire in order to successfully avoid becoming liquid lunch?
Top Ten Tips for Identifying Vampires:
1) Dark, blank eyes. Not necessarily black eyes. Some have blue, green, hazel, black, or brown. But vampire eyes have an eerie, opaque quality-- and be warned, the darker the hue, the closer to feeding time. Also, shadows under eyes and pronounced, though not always sharpened, canines.
2) Vamps have vicious tempers. They tend to feel passionately and go to extremes. Something that makes an average person angry will send a vampire spinning out of control. Expect threats and even violence. Vampires are especially prone to road rage and random attacks, both physical and verbal.
3) Language peppered with expletives. Vampires are fond of cursing. Do you know someone who uses exceptionally vulgar, bad, or offensive language on a regular basis? Probably a vampire.
4) Lack of reflection. It is true that vampires don't cast a reflection in mirrors or shiny surfaces. However, they do show up on film and can be photographed. (Note: Unless they have found a way around it, as they have to protect themselves from deadly sunlight with sunscreen/sunblock products).
5) Vampires don't work well with others. They try to group up, for safety and more success in hunting, but they often turn on each other. The self-employed, those who can't seem to hold a job, or loners in general-- possibly vampires.
6) Vampires are among the most self-centered, self-obsessed beings known to man, with an inflated sense of self-importance. You probably think this blog is about you, don't you? In that case, you might be a vampire.
7) Inability to accept blame. Vampires thrive on blaming others for their own lack of ability, mistakes, or lapses in judgment.
8) They don't have good judgment. Vampires exhibit an absence of rational thought, a seeming inability to connect cause and effect.
9) Makeup. Vampires wear a lot of makeup, particularly obvious in female vampires, to distract from their facial hollows, natural pallor, dark shadows, and hungry eyes.
10) Obsessive natures. Obsess, obsess, obsess. Not all people with OCD are vampires, but tread carefully because it's a definite warning sign. Also, a tendency toward risky and/or addictive behaviors.
Most vampires eschew employment of any kind, but for those who work--
Popular Vampire Vocations: Writer, Actor, Artist, Promoter, Lawyer, Agent, Insurance Adjuster, Bill Collector, Realtor (oddly enough), Fame-whore, Politician, Pundit, Blogger, and Reviewer. Also, those who work with animals (easy snacks always at hand) or in hospitals. Especially fond of indoor occupations, or working the night shift.
No comments:
Post a Comment