Jane Slayre in People!

This week's People magazine:

Jane Slayre on Page 61:

Childhood Dreams

Sherri: Charlotte, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Charlotte: (blank stare).

Sherri: Charlotte?

Charlotte: (startles, averts gaze from Bradley Cooper's picture). Hm, pardon?

Sherri: Your childhood dreams? You must have had some. We're talking about them at The Whine Sisters today.

Charlotte: My childhood dream? To survive. Infant mortality was much higher in those days. It seemed a miracle to grow up at all.

Sherri: (rolls eyes). Yes, but--

Charlotte: I'm quite serious. Have you not remarked on Jane's experiences at Lowood? The poverty? The inadequate protection from the cold? The scanty portions of food? Awful food.

Sherri: The zombies...

Charlotte: (casts icy glare).

Sherri: All right, so no zombies.

Charlotte: We faced exactly the same conditions of Lowood at the Clergy Daughter's School at Cowan Bridge, Lancashire. I lost my two elder sisters, Maria and Elizabeth, to tuberculosis there before our father brought me home. It permanently affected my growth and development, I do believe, as it did Jane's.

Sherri: But Jane Slayre learned she had hidden strengths, the ability to fight and kill--

Charlotte: Jane Eyre learned to survive. Charlotte Bronte picked up her pen and created an imaginary kingdom with her surviving siblings: Emily, Anne, and Branwell. Have you not researched? Why does everyone seem to think I've written one book when I have a whole shelf of--

Sherri: Of course, I know about the Anglia Sagas. And the Green Dwarf. The Professor. Villette.

Charlotte: You do? (straightens up).

Sherri: Everyone does.

Charlotte: Everyone? (smiles).

Sherri: (nods) It's just that Jane Eyre has been considered your masterpiece. You have to admit that Jane's story has it all.

Charlotte: Adventure. Intrigue. Romance.

Sherri: Vampyres. Zombies. Werewolves.

Charlotte: Oh, but if one more person confuses my Jane with that insipid Jane Austen again, I'll--

Sherri: Charlotte, now, it's only because Jane Austen is so beloved a literary figure, as is your fictional Jane Eyre, and you're writing at similar times...

Charlotte: Off with your head!

Sherri: Ah, now, that's Lewis Carroll. Alice in Wonderland. The Tim Burton, Johnny Depp movie is opening this weekend. Would you like to come and see it with me?

Charlotte: You expect me to see a film when there are books to read?

Zombies! Oh my!

Charlotte: Ack! It's Abbot! Where did you find her? She is the spitting image of Jane Slayre's Miss Abbot. I would know her anywhere.

Sherri: Well, you should. You created her.

Charlotte: You're the one who suggested she be a zombie.

Sherri: I thought you didn't want to give me any credit.

Charlotte: (shrugs). You might have some good ideas. From time to time. But where did you find her?

Sherri: That's not Abbot, Charlotte. It's Madonna.

Charlotte: The Madonna?

Sherri: Probably not the one you're thinking. Madonna Ciccone. 80s icon? Celebrated pop star? Michigander turned Brit?

Charlotte: Oh, one of your friends from Michigan?

Sherri: (shakes head). No, I only lived in Michigan(Canton) for a few years. And not while Ms. Madge was there, as far as I know.

Charlotte: Madge? I thought you said she was Madonna?

Sherri: (sighs) It's a nickname. You know, like Rochester tends to call Jane "Janet."

Charlotte: So you and Madge are friends, then?

Sherri: No, I've never met her. She's a celebrity. I think the paparazzi made it up. Or maybe she is Madge to friends. I have no idea.

Charlotte: It was so much easier in the old days, before Internet and Paparazzi. But, if she's famous, why hasn't anyone saved her?

Sherri: Saved her?

Charlotte: She's a zombie, isn't she? The sunken cheeks, the pallor? Where are all the slayers? Someone should save her from her mortal bounds and send her soul on to peace.

Sherri: She's not a zombie. It's just a rather unfortunate picture.

Charlotte: Hm. I'll take your word for it. Speaking of pictures, have you any more of that Bradley Cooper fellow?

Sherri: Aha! I knew you liked him.

Charlotte: Ahem. No. It's simply for a character study. I was thinking of writing some more about St. John's adventures in India.

Sherri: Really? Sounds like fun. Can I help?

Gone Hunting

Hunting zombies, that is. I'm mid-revisions on JANE SLAYRE, finding creative new ways to save the world from zombies, vampyres, and werewolves. Awooooo! This is too much fun.